List 4: Bad, bad drunks and their arguments

I love beer. Wine too. Whisk(e)y as well. And vodka is not too bad neither.

But there is one inescapable fact.... alcohol leads to bravery... bravery leads to the soapbox... and when two people on their soapboxes collide, the "drunken argument" is joined in full! All topics are covered, from wars (past, current, and especially future), family (who's sucks, who's doesn't, and who doesn't care), relationships, politics, religion, sports... you name it, it's been argued in a fashion that won't win a debate.

So what follows is a list of the arguments that, unfortunately, I've been in/overheard/laughed at while intaking of the nectar of the gods.

Broken down by subject:

War - This subject always kills me the next morning. I'm something of a history buff, and I've been caught up in so many arguments about past/current/future wars that I think I've wasted a good percentage of my life.

5. Germany would have won the war if they had not had invaded Russia - this one always gets me laughing (and yes, I've been one of the debaters too). The main assumption in this argument is that Hitler was NOT insane... which of course he was, so this argument is moot. He invaded, got his butt kicked, history written.

4. The U.S. would not have gained independence if the British had sent more troops - this one is for all of my British friends :-) I've been the pub and I've argued back and forth on this one. Hindsight is always 20/20... and the catch is that Britain did NOT care about the American colonies at the time... there just wasn't a lot there at the time in terms of people or resources. In addition, France was acting up again, so their attention was elsewhere. And as such, there really was only one outcome unless the American generals had really screwed up.

3. China is going to eventually a clash with the West - again, this assumes one thing... that China and the West do not like money. But everyone likes money. Therefore, the trade links will continue, and we will all become one happy (dysfunctional) family.

2. Current events - this one can start an all out fight in a bar/pub, so I'll just leave this one alone :-)

1. Robots WILL start a war sometime in the future a la Terminator/Matrix/etc. - I don't even know where to start. Again, this assumes that scientists are stupid and will not invent severe kill switches. I think Asimov was right... robots will be programmed to not harm humans, and it would take a clever human to circumvent this process. Besides, all of us alive will be dead (more than likely) by that time, so who gives a crap?

Family - this subject can be really touchy, and is usually thrown out there towards the end just to make people uncomfortable. I hate this one...

4. I think s/he is cheating on me - usually, this is thrown out there to try and get people to convince them otherwise, even if there is a blinking red sign that says "YES, S/HE IS". I just excuse myself and buy another round :-)

3. If (she hadn't gotten pregnant/if I hadn't gotten pregnant) we wouldn't have gotten married - deed done. You've made your choice, now work it out dammit!

2. My family is the best/worst in the world - there are 6 billion people. I'm fairly sure that someone's family is better/worse than yours!

1. If I win the lottery, I'll give lots to my family - yeah, okay, sure... so you're going to win 40 million dollars/pounds, and you're just going to look after the family ONLY? Look, everyone knows the truth of what happens, even to the most altruistic folks. You win the lottery, you buy a huge house and fantastic cars, you give a token amount to the family, and brag to them for the rest of their pitiful lives.

Sports - This one is usually started while watching a game with the team/player in question on the field...

3. Team A will beat Team B in the playoffs - and again, I'm in this one all the time. Look, if we were all oracles, there wouldn't be a NEED for the playoffs!

2. Player A should have won a ring in his career - this one gets me all the time, because my favorite (American) football player was Dan Marino. But he never won the Super Bowl, so occasionally I end up bringing this up and arguing with another fan. But he failed, end of story.

1. Team A was robbed by Team B's cheating antics in the Uber Championship of the World Game - look dude, it's over. Your team lost. That fact will never change. Get over it.

Politics - This one is right in the middle of the table... when everyone has had some, but not too much yet.

3. "So and so" was the best leader ever - okay, that may be true. But while stating that is fine as a start, giving everyone at the table a history lesson while listing out what an absolute god/dess that person was gets really boring.

2. "So and so" should have won the election - look, dude, your man/woman lost the election. The electoral public decided differently than you. You and/or I may not like the results, but it's done.

1. "So and so" would not have allowed the current problems - okay, maybe true, maybe not. But it's not going to happen. Stating the above is fine, but professing to foresee alternate universes is just annoying...

Work

Too many to list :-)