Thought 8: European Sport and List 13: Oversaturated Disasters
Thought 8: European sport....
I am an American.
I'm somewhat proud of that fact - cheap goods (made in China), cheap gas (pumped in the Middle East), and cheap thrills. And a lot of those thrills goes with American sport.
And I'm also a good sport about knocking on my own beloved sports. After all, I'm used to taking crap from my British friends about American sport. Baseball? "It's rounders, a girl's game!" American football? "It's rugby with pads played by wimps!" Basketball? "Only the US cares about it, that's why you're allowed to win the Olympics every time!"
But the other day, one other sport was attacked - the X Games.
Huh? You're going to attack a sport populated by Californians who are just having fun as they skateboard/bike ride/blade/snowboard their way through tricks? A sport that, while I may watch, isn't that popular with the general public? Does that make sense to anyone else? Why would that insult be taken seriously?
And then I realized... they were just knocking on my sports in general, just for amusement.
So here it is, I'm throwing the gauntlet down and responding with critisms of my own...
1. Rugby - first things first: in the States, rugby is played by 5 foot tall Ivy-leaguers at Yale and Harvard who pretend to be European, and who can't play any other sports against normal men. There is just something really unexciting about watching a huge group of men in a group hug in a tug-of-war, especially when it's called a "sport." Sorry, but there is no strategy... pass to one guy, he's blocked (where's the tackle and blood?!), so he tosses it to the side, and the same happens. Lather, rinse, repeat. I do indeed watch it, and I enjoy Six Nations as it's the top of the talent, but it can't crack my top ten. Closest American equivilent: American Football. First, there is strategy... literally hundreds of ways to move 11 guys on the field for offense or defense, to run or pass. One complaint from here is that they wear pads... have YOU ever been hit by a 300 pound lineman? It hurts... I played as a kid until I realized that at 6'1", 140 pounds I was a dead man. Injuries are not uncommon, such as ruptured organs from being hit too hard, severed spinal cords from being hit at a weird angle, and until playing without a helmet was outlawed, death.
2. Football - okay, first things first. In the States, this is a kid's game, a family game... at every MLS match (which I've attended a couple), the stands are filled with families with small children that are having a good midafternoon together. In the UK, they have to put the kids in their own section... because the rest of the stands are filled with drunkards who say words that children shouldn't hear, start fights, and threaten each other. Which is better - fun with the family, or fearing for your life if you say the wrong thing? Thought so. Closest American equivilent: Soccer, cause it's the same damn thing. Oh, and that's a kids/girls game.
3. Formula One - two thoughts on this "sport": 1. It's fixed, and 2. It's ultimately boring. In the first vein, everyone knows who is going to win the season after about 3 races. And the officials start protecting that individual so that they don't have to worry about their lead being threatened. Case in point - last year, after 4 races it was clear that Alonso was going to win the whole thing... and poor Kimi was left trying to wade through the crap in a futile attempt to catch up. And you can pretty much guarantee that the same is going to happen this year, except it's Shumi in 2nd. In addition, it's boring... it's slooooooooow, because there are just too many damn corners to slow the car down the the same speed you get on the average motorway, and there are not many passing opportunities. Closest American Equivilent: Indycar and NASCAR. Give me the ovals, with the danger, speed, and multiple passes. Both of these sports have more action in a single race than Formula One has in a whole year.
4. Cricket - how can you take a sport seriously that can have many days in a single test, with the scores in the hundreds? Why do you need to score THAT much? Can't you decide a winner in a a few hours? And the batsman is just constricted... all he does is this funny underhanded wack. Closest American Equivilent: Give me baseball, with the full power of the swing, the 100 mph pitches, and the home runs.
Finally, in baseball there is the long-standing tradition of brawling:
There... got that rant off my chest.
Now for today's list...
List 13: Oversaturated Media Disasters
Life happens. And with it, disasters... natural, human, or extraterrestrial, it can and will happen occasionally.
10. Wayne Rooney's foot - you would think that England had already lost the World Cup with the amount of media attention paid to one player's lower extremity. So should England forfeit, or should they keep planning on playing in 2 weeks in the hopes of winning? Thought so.
9. The Black Plague - Every time someone mentions dealy infectious diseases in the news, and the subject of the plague comes up, they HAVE to mention that it killed millions and millions of people several million years ago in Europe. It's like a law or something.
8. The San Fransisco earthquake of 1906 - They just had a "celebration" to mark the centennial. Give me a break... they had a huge media story. I'm pretty sure that there have been other earthquakes that were a lot deadlier recently (read: Christmas 2004).
7. Princess Diana's demise - I hate to break the news to you, but she's dead and she's not coming back. Please move on.
6. Nuclear weapons - For those that protest these in their Greenpeace teeshirts... they are not going away. The nuclear club nations are not going to give these up just because a couple of people protest every year in front of Parliament and the White House.
5. Chernobyl - We know... this was the most disasterous radiation leak in history that did not include a nuclear weapon. But they talk about this every time someone mentions building a new plant. I'm fairly sure that the reason the plant had a meltdown was due to shoddy design and weak safety. Other countries a bit luckier (we hope).
4. Global Warming - Personally, I believe it's true and happening. But please, you do NOT have to release a report daily about it... all you are doing is tuning people out to the science.
3. The Ice Age - This comes up every time ANOTHER natural disaster is mentioned... like volcanos or the like. They all link the last ice age with one potential cause or another, and then link a new one (contradiction with the previous item) with future disasters...
2. Asteroid impact 65 million years ago - Yes, we know. The dinosaurs died due to a huge rock slamming the earth. And yes, we know it could happen to us. But do you really need to spend millions on new documentries explaining the yearly chances of this happening???
1. The Titanic - you have no idea how tired I am about hearing the words "The Titanic." This disaster happened 94 years ago... and ships are better built now... and there have been worse disasters before and since. And yet, everytime a survivor died/dies they have to have a big media story. Weren't these the same people that locked up the poorer people in the hold and watched them sink to the bottom? Thought so.
Until next time... THE NATEMARE STRIKES AGAIN!
I am an American.
I'm somewhat proud of that fact - cheap goods (made in China), cheap gas (pumped in the Middle East), and cheap thrills. And a lot of those thrills goes with American sport.
And I'm also a good sport about knocking on my own beloved sports. After all, I'm used to taking crap from my British friends about American sport. Baseball? "It's rounders, a girl's game!" American football? "It's rugby with pads played by wimps!" Basketball? "Only the US cares about it, that's why you're allowed to win the Olympics every time!"
But the other day, one other sport was attacked - the X Games.
Huh? You're going to attack a sport populated by Californians who are just having fun as they skateboard/bike ride/blade/snowboard their way through tricks? A sport that, while I may watch, isn't that popular with the general public? Does that make sense to anyone else? Why would that insult be taken seriously?
And then I realized... they were just knocking on my sports in general, just for amusement.
So here it is, I'm throwing the gauntlet down and responding with critisms of my own...
1. Rugby - first things first: in the States, rugby is played by 5 foot tall Ivy-leaguers at Yale and Harvard who pretend to be European, and who can't play any other sports against normal men. There is just something really unexciting about watching a huge group of men in a group hug in a tug-of-war, especially when it's called a "sport." Sorry, but there is no strategy... pass to one guy, he's blocked (where's the tackle and blood?!), so he tosses it to the side, and the same happens. Lather, rinse, repeat. I do indeed watch it, and I enjoy Six Nations as it's the top of the talent, but it can't crack my top ten. Closest American equivilent: American Football. First, there is strategy... literally hundreds of ways to move 11 guys on the field for offense or defense, to run or pass. One complaint from here is that they wear pads... have YOU ever been hit by a 300 pound lineman? It hurts... I played as a kid until I realized that at 6'1", 140 pounds I was a dead man. Injuries are not uncommon, such as ruptured organs from being hit too hard, severed spinal cords from being hit at a weird angle, and until playing without a helmet was outlawed, death.
2. Football - okay, first things first. In the States, this is a kid's game, a family game... at every MLS match (which I've attended a couple), the stands are filled with families with small children that are having a good midafternoon together. In the UK, they have to put the kids in their own section... because the rest of the stands are filled with drunkards who say words that children shouldn't hear, start fights, and threaten each other. Which is better - fun with the family, or fearing for your life if you say the wrong thing? Thought so. Closest American equivilent: Soccer, cause it's the same damn thing. Oh, and that's a kids/girls game.
3. Formula One - two thoughts on this "sport": 1. It's fixed, and 2. It's ultimately boring. In the first vein, everyone knows who is going to win the season after about 3 races. And the officials start protecting that individual so that they don't have to worry about their lead being threatened. Case in point - last year, after 4 races it was clear that Alonso was going to win the whole thing... and poor Kimi was left trying to wade through the crap in a futile attempt to catch up. And you can pretty much guarantee that the same is going to happen this year, except it's Shumi in 2nd. In addition, it's boring... it's slooooooooow, because there are just too many damn corners to slow the car down the the same speed you get on the average motorway, and there are not many passing opportunities. Closest American Equivilent: Indycar and NASCAR. Give me the ovals, with the danger, speed, and multiple passes. Both of these sports have more action in a single race than Formula One has in a whole year.
4. Cricket - how can you take a sport seriously that can have many days in a single test, with the scores in the hundreds? Why do you need to score THAT much? Can't you decide a winner in a a few hours? And the batsman is just constricted... all he does is this funny underhanded wack. Closest American Equivilent: Give me baseball, with the full power of the swing, the 100 mph pitches, and the home runs.
Finally, in baseball there is the long-standing tradition of brawling:
There... got that rant off my chest.
Now for today's list...
List 13: Oversaturated Media Disasters
Life happens. And with it, disasters... natural, human, or extraterrestrial, it can and will happen occasionally.
10. Wayne Rooney's foot - you would think that England had already lost the World Cup with the amount of media attention paid to one player's lower extremity. So should England forfeit, or should they keep planning on playing in 2 weeks in the hopes of winning? Thought so.
9. The Black Plague - Every time someone mentions dealy infectious diseases in the news, and the subject of the plague comes up, they HAVE to mention that it killed millions and millions of people several million years ago in Europe. It's like a law or something.
8. The San Fransisco earthquake of 1906 - They just had a "celebration" to mark the centennial. Give me a break... they had a huge media story. I'm pretty sure that there have been other earthquakes that were a lot deadlier recently (read: Christmas 2004).
7. Princess Diana's demise - I hate to break the news to you, but she's dead and she's not coming back. Please move on.
6. Nuclear weapons - For those that protest these in their Greenpeace teeshirts... they are not going away. The nuclear club nations are not going to give these up just because a couple of people protest every year in front of Parliament and the White House.
5. Chernobyl - We know... this was the most disasterous radiation leak in history that did not include a nuclear weapon. But they talk about this every time someone mentions building a new plant. I'm fairly sure that the reason the plant had a meltdown was due to shoddy design and weak safety. Other countries a bit luckier (we hope).
4. Global Warming - Personally, I believe it's true and happening. But please, you do NOT have to release a report daily about it... all you are doing is tuning people out to the science.
3. The Ice Age - This comes up every time ANOTHER natural disaster is mentioned... like volcanos or the like. They all link the last ice age with one potential cause or another, and then link a new one (contradiction with the previous item) with future disasters...
2. Asteroid impact 65 million years ago - Yes, we know. The dinosaurs died due to a huge rock slamming the earth. And yes, we know it could happen to us. But do you really need to spend millions on new documentries explaining the yearly chances of this happening???
1. The Titanic - you have no idea how tired I am about hearing the words "The Titanic." This disaster happened 94 years ago... and ships are better built now... and there have been worse disasters before and since. And yet, everytime a survivor died/dies they have to have a big media story. Weren't these the same people that locked up the poorer people in the hold and watched them sink to the bottom? Thought so.
Until next time... THE NATEMARE STRIKES AGAIN!
posted by NATEMARE at 9:00 AM
9 Comments:
Ah Natemare....your rugby versus American football debate kinda defeats itself.....in rugby there are some mountinous players that do stampede into one another ...BUT WITH NO PADS and no COMMERCIAL BREAKS so you can have a nice cup of tea , NO TEAMS OF 90 PLAYERS , so endurance is a must...American football is for nancies.
Baseball is rounders...a game for girls
Basketball is netball .... a game for girls.
Global warming does not seem to have any science behind it , as it rains ...its global warming. It doesnt rain....its global warming. Its hot.....its global warming..... Its cold ....its global warming.
If thats science i am a china man.
I agree with you on potatoe heads foot.....does anyone actually care ???
You missed Kerry Kantona....famous for...err....but more press coverage than all of the above , and is definetly a disaster
I had a lovely day watching the cricket even if Freddie Flintoff was pants and everyone just collapsed in a heap after Pietersen was given out.
But if American sports are so great Natemare why doesn't anyone else play them? - I mean you have a "world series" in baseball with only American teams in it - WEIRD!
You might get cheap ciggies and fuel in the States but the price of sex toys is out of control. i can get 4 buttplugs here in australia for the cost of one of them in LA.
All that stuff about sports was very interesting, but what about fisting? isn't that a sport in the UK? If not, I am not going to move over there anymore. I want a refund on my plane ticket.
Lady Di IS NOT DEAD!
she's not!
she's not!
she's not!
Wash your mouth out young man!
All - for the record, I watch all sports and enjoy the English traditions.
Doesn't declare the sports innocent of the charges though :-)
Beast - Stampede my ass - group hug, maybe!
Lippy - Everybody harps about the "World" Series - come on all, it's just the name of the title series, given over a hundred years ago for ratings. It's like, no big deal or anything :-)
What about the World Cup? My beef with that is that only 5 teams ever have a chance, the rest are cannon fodder...
JJ - I think the Fisting Champions League meets at Beasty's house the first Tuesday of June, yearly, you should be able to catch it...
Pixie - You're right. I think she's sharing a flat in Delaware with Elvis ;-)
World cup - I dunno, the African nations dark horses and on the rise...but what do I know, I hate football.
Rubgy and cricket girl me - benefits of a public school eduction *g*!
Yeah, there are surprises every year in the World Cup - but they never make it past the quarters. That's where the top guns (Brazil, Argentina, Germany, Italy, England) shut out all other nations.
I forgot - is public education a private school education? If I remember right, the words are reversed from the States...
He He He the world series card has been played AGAIN.
JJ you can get fisting on the national health.
CRICKET Lippy , its even boring to play, I cant imagine why anyone would want to watch it.
Natemare the first tuesday in June is my annual bath , I sell the bath water to local companies , they use it as coffee in the vending machines
Beast - how can you not like a game where one of the possible positions is called "silly mid off"?
As opposed to of course "silly mid on".
It's fabulous!
I did actually play rugby a few times - we put all the girls with big chests (inc me) in the front row to try and drown the opposition.
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