Picture 1: Me (guess where)

I have about 4 more lists that I'm finalizing, but since I was enjoying the weekend, I can't be ASSed (as opposed to arsed).

This is me. In case you were wondering.

Thought 8: European Sport and List 13: Oversaturated Disasters

Thought 8: European sport....
I am an American.

I'm somewhat proud of that fact - cheap goods (made in China), cheap gas (pumped in the Middle East), and cheap thrills. And a lot of those thrills goes with American sport.

And I'm also a good sport about knocking on my own beloved sports. After all, I'm used to taking crap from my British friends about American sport. Baseball? "It's rounders, a girl's game!" American football? "It's rugby with pads played by wimps!" Basketball? "Only the US cares about it, that's why you're allowed to win the Olympics every time!"

But the other day, one other sport was attacked - the X Games.

Huh? You're going to attack a sport populated by Californians who are just having fun as they skateboard/bike ride/blade/snowboard their way through tricks? A sport that, while I may watch, isn't that popular with the general public? Does that make sense to anyone else? Why would that insult be taken seriously?

And then I realized... they were just knocking on my sports in general, just for amusement.

So here it is, I'm throwing the gauntlet down and responding with critisms of my own...
1. Rugby - first things first: in the States, rugby is played by 5 foot tall Ivy-leaguers at Yale and Harvard who pretend to be European, and who can't play any other sports against normal men. There is just something really unexciting about watching a huge group of men in a group hug in a tug-of-war, especially when it's called a "sport." Sorry, but there is no strategy... pass to one guy, he's blocked (where's the tackle and blood?!), so he tosses it to the side, and the same happens. Lather, rinse, repeat. I do indeed watch it, and I enjoy Six Nations as it's the top of the talent, but it can't crack my top ten. Closest American equivilent: American Football. First, there is strategy... literally hundreds of ways to move 11 guys on the field for offense or defense, to run or pass. One complaint from here is that they wear pads... have YOU ever been hit by a 300 pound lineman? It hurts... I played as a kid until I realized that at 6'1", 140 pounds I was a dead man. Injuries are not uncommon, such as ruptured organs from being hit too hard, severed spinal cords from being hit at a weird angle, and until playing without a helmet was outlawed, death.
2. Football - okay, first things first. In the States, this is a kid's game, a family game... at every MLS match (which I've attended a couple), the stands are filled with families with small children that are having a good midafternoon together. In the UK, they have to put the kids in their own section... because the rest of the stands are filled with drunkards who say words that children shouldn't hear, start fights, and threaten each other. Which is better - fun with the family, or fearing for your life if you say the wrong thing? Thought so. Closest American equivilent: Soccer, cause it's the same damn thing. Oh, and that's a kids/girls game.
3. Formula One - two thoughts on this "sport": 1. It's fixed, and 2. It's ultimately boring. In the first vein, everyone knows who is going to win the season after about 3 races. And the officials start protecting that individual so that they don't have to worry about their lead being threatened. Case in point - last year, after 4 races it was clear that Alonso was going to win the whole thing... and poor Kimi was left trying to wade through the crap in a futile attempt to catch up. And you can pretty much guarantee that the same is going to happen this year, except it's Shumi in 2nd. In addition, it's boring... it's slooooooooow, because there are just too many damn corners to slow the car down the the same speed you get on the average motorway, and there are not many passing opportunities. Closest American Equivilent: Indycar and NASCAR. Give me the ovals, with the danger, speed, and multiple passes. Both of these sports have more action in a single race than Formula One has in a whole year.
4. Cricket - how can you take a sport seriously that can have many days in a single test, with the scores in the hundreds? Why do you need to score THAT much? Can't you decide a winner in a a few hours? And the batsman is just constricted... all he does is this funny underhanded wack. Closest American Equivilent: Give me baseball, with the full power of the swing, the 100 mph pitches, and the home runs.

Finally, in baseball there is the long-standing tradition of brawling:


There... got that rant off my chest.

Now for today's list...
List 13: Oversaturated Media Disasters
Life happens. And with it, disasters... natural, human, or extraterrestrial, it can and will happen occasionally.

10. Wayne Rooney's foot - you would think that England had already lost the World Cup with the amount of media attention paid to one player's lower extremity. So should England forfeit, or should they keep planning on playing in 2 weeks in the hopes of winning? Thought so.
9. The Black Plague - Every time someone mentions dealy infectious diseases in the news, and the subject of the plague comes up, they HAVE to mention that it killed millions and millions of people several million years ago in Europe. It's like a law or something.
8. The San Fransisco earthquake of 1906 - They just had a "celebration" to mark the centennial. Give me a break... they had a huge media story. I'm pretty sure that there have been other earthquakes that were a lot deadlier recently (read: Christmas 2004).
7. Princess Diana's demise - I hate to break the news to you, but she's dead and she's not coming back. Please move on.
6. Nuclear weapons - For those that protest these in their Greenpeace teeshirts... they are not going away. The nuclear club nations are not going to give these up just because a couple of people protest every year in front of Parliament and the White House.
5. Chernobyl - We know... this was the most disasterous radiation leak in history that did not include a nuclear weapon. But they talk about this every time someone mentions building a new plant. I'm fairly sure that the reason the plant had a meltdown was due to shoddy design and weak safety. Other countries a bit luckier (we hope).
4. Global Warming - Personally, I believe it's true and happening. But please, you do NOT have to release a report daily about it... all you are doing is tuning people out to the science.
3. The Ice Age - This comes up every time ANOTHER natural disaster is mentioned... like volcanos or the like. They all link the last ice age with one potential cause or another, and then link a new one (contradiction with the previous item) with future disasters...
2. Asteroid impact 65 million years ago - Yes, we know. The dinosaurs died due to a huge rock slamming the earth. And yes, we know it could happen to us. But do you really need to spend millions on new documentries explaining the yearly chances of this happening???
1. The Titanic - you have no idea how tired I am about hearing the words "The Titanic." This disaster happened 94 years ago... and ships are better built now... and there have been worse disasters before and since. And yet, everytime a survivor died/dies they have to have a big media story. Weren't these the same people that locked up the poorer people in the hold and watched them sink to the bottom? Thought so.

Until next time... THE NATEMARE STRIKES AGAIN!

Event 4: Sudden Shopping Sprees, and List 12: Potential Interrupted

I've got 2 posts for you today, my Natemare reading public. This would have been sooner, but I lost the WHOLE FREAKING THING when IE crashed, and I had to retype.

Event 4: The Sudden Shopping Spree
So you've headed off to purchase a new shirt for that interview. Or, you've gone to the store to pick up some milk and eggs. Or, you've gone to the electronics store for a new DVD.

Instead, you come back with a new wardrobe and a maxed credit card. Or, you come back with a significant inventory of Tesco's. Or, you come back with the DVD.... and new DVD player... and new television...

Witness: THE SUDDEN SHOPPING SPREE!

It's happened to all of us. We don't intend to purchase more that what we arrived for, but for whatever reason (mood, a bonus from work, hunger) you end up buying a lot more than intended. I know that it happens to me... there's a reason I don't go to the grocery store on an empty stomach, or to a clothing store unless there is only ONE item I really need and the Virgo is with me (still no guarantee).

True story about the worst for me: about 3 or 4 years ago I went to Best Buy to purchase a DVD. One movie. Just one. I walked in, grabbed the disc... and thought, "hey, since I'm here, I need a new hard drive for the ole computer." Next thing I know, I've got a cart full of computer parts, CDs, DVDs, games, and a $300 bill. It would have been only $20. That's an increase of 1500% over actual want.

I don't know why it happens, but for some reason it is a guilty pleasure to come home with lots of new loot....

List 12: Potential Interrupted
These are the deaths that you hear about over the radio or on the television that make you say, "I can't believe it, that's a shame. They had so much potential."

This isn't a list of tragic deaths, or even the most famous deaths. Some people die tragically, but they are already at their peak or just beyond it (Princess Diana, Jimi Hendrix). Some people live fast and die hard, but their death was really just the conclusion (Marilyn Monroe). Others die when they already are at the top of their potential (President Kennedy).

This list is not in order of the traditional "most famous" or "greatness," but in order of potential. Otherwise, it would shift some.

10. Bradley Nowell, died 1996/Frontman, Sublime - This was the death that actually made me say the words "I can't believe it" when I heard the news. He died the musicians death of the fast life and too many drugs. Sublime had just gone from regional icon (California) to national hit. After his death, they released a couple of unreleased recordings and then disappeared. What a shame.

9.

Jean Harlow, died 1937/Actress - this position was a toss-up between Jean and Carole Lombard... but Jean died at the age of 26, and could have been so much more. She was already nearing the top of the pile, and could have had a long and distiguished career.

8. John Belushi, died 1982/Actor - this one is a real "what if"... he could have had the comedic career that few other than Adam Sandler and Chevy Chase get to experience. Instead, drugs took another life too soon leaving the door open for his brother Jim, who has had to contend with the long shadow of John all of his life.

7.

Selena, died 1995/Latin Pop Star - this one was truly tragic when it hit the national news. She had JUST released her first wide US release, and it was selling incredibly well. Instead of a long career, she was murdered by her manager. Of all things, her movie biopic made J-Lo a star...

6.

River Phoenix, died 1993/Actor - another star taken by drugs. Amazing, but he hadn't really had that BIG starring role... many roles in huge films, but not quite the top yet. But it was coming soon, except that drugs got in the way. His brother Joaquin took over the reins, and he has done quite well without the pitfalls that got his brother.

5.

Robert F Kennedy, died 1968/Senator, brother of President John Kennedy - his death crushed the Democratic party for several years. After the debacle that was Johnson, RFK emerged as the savior of the party and potential savior of the country. Instead, Nixon took the '68 election... and we all know what happened over the next 6 years. His death was slightly overshadowed by...

4.

...Martin Luther King, Jr. died 1968/Pastor, Civil Rights Leader, National Icon - he had been a part of the national conscience for well over a decade, with many more years of work ahead of him. A natural born leader, his 1963 "I have a dream" speech ranks as one of the all time best messages to the citizens of any country, anywhere. He was considering staying in the South to build the next generation of civil rights leaders, and he could have run for office.

3.

Lord Admiral Nelson, died 1805/Admiral of British Navy, Defender of the Empire - This is a somewhat wierd pick as well, but hear me out. He was one of the few to take on Napolean early... and win. He was also a brilliant tactician, who invented many of the tactics used during the following 100 years. And he could have stopped France even more... if he had outlived his crowning achievment, the Battle of Trafalgar.

2.

James Dean, died 1955/Actor - Can you believe that he died at the age of 24? He had already accomplished SO much in his short career... starring roles, media attention, the whole 9 yards. And his death has become the biggest "what if" in entertainment... you see, Marilyn was already many years into her career, and had slid down somewhat. Other actors and actresses that died early were already many years from their debut, whereas James Dean was just starting.

1.

Abraham Lincoln, died 1865/President of the United States - What's this, you say? Already President, you say? True - but he also left a huge hole just when the nation needed him most. The Civil War ended just days earlier, and the entire country - Congress, generals, soldiers, and citizens - were looking for his leadership towards the next steps. Instead, he was killed... and Congress immediately botched the Reconstruction of the South and impeached his successor. A lot of the problems in the following 100 years could have been repaired had he lived to steer the country towards freedom for all and unity above all else.

And with that, I won't depress you any more :-)

Until next time.... THE NATEMARE STRIKES AGAIN!

Thought 7: Social Smoking & List 11: Best Records from Legendary Bands

Thought 7: Social Smoking.
Yep.

I'm a smoker.

If you count once a week or once every other week as being a smoker.

The problem with smoking nowadays is that everyone has cut down on intake. We all have tried to quit, or are in the process of quitting, or will quit. But sometimes our plan to quit counts too much on biting off everything all at once. We smoke 1 pack a day, so we try to quit completely.

But our minds are not made to quit something out of the blue... we need help to slowly get rid of our bad habits. So my solution was simple - go from 1 pack, to 1 pack a week, to 1 pack a month, to a couple of cigarettes a month only in social situations. This has worked out fairly well, as I only need cigs while drinking with friends, but I need to get rid of the last little bit of dependency.

I need to stop that final social aspect.

The only problem is that I really enjoy that aspect... I'm not addicted to nicotine anymore, I just like smoking with friends when we've got the pints in front of us and we're swapping tall tails. I never enjoyed smoking in the rain when I was fully addicted.

How do you quit something that's fun?!

If you have the answer, please tell me.

List 11: Best Records from Legendary Bands
Clumsy title eh? Here's what I mean. There are one-hit wonders that you forget about at the end of summer. There are bands that come together to release a great CD, then split or never recover (think Third Eye Blind and Weezer). Then there are bands that are consistently good, and release a couple of really good records (think Steppenwolf, Coldplay, Bush, Stone Temple Pilots), some of which might become something better.

And then there are LEGENDS.

Legends release great music consistently. Legends rock the house when they come to town for concert. Legends have a name that brings to the mind instant recognition of that band... their name transcends their music. Some bands become instant legends, like the Beatles or Nirvana. Some bands require years of great music until they join the list, like the Rolling Stones or the Aerosmith.

But legendary bands have many records... how to pick the best ones?

It wasn't easy, but below is my list of the best records by the legendary bands. Unfortunately, there are many of my favorites that failed to make my list... the Who, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, the Cure, Heart, Santana, Rolling Stones, and so many others... the problem with some of the above bands is that they spread all of their best work thinly over tons of records (read: Rolling Stones).

So this list is the albums that shattered the scale, and MADE the band:

Honorable mention - The Eagles/Hotel California - come on... you know why. Who doesn't find the title track creepy but fantastic! Would be higher, but while this one had two great songs the rest of their best was about 2-3 years prior to this album.

10. Metallica/Metallica (self title) - before this came out, they were just another 80's rock band riding into the 90's. After this album, Metallica became THE headbangers rock group. This disk had it all - its best song (Enter Sandman), its best vocal mix, its best everything.

9. Pearl Jam/Ten - This one might be considered controversial due to Pearl Jam being purely 90s. This one also might be controversial to Pearl Jam lovers as they consider this one their "pop" CD. But love it or hate it, this album set them up for a decade of success.

8. Led Zeppelin/IV (unofficial title due to complexity of title symbols) - I can already hear Beast and Frobisher now. "This pick sucks!" Well, it's my list - so there! :-P

7. Aerosmith/Get a Grip - Some would say that their best was in the 70's with the self-titled Aerosmith, with some good songs in the 80's. And in some respects, I agree, as Dream On is still one of the best classic rock songs. But this one not only had great music, it brought them back in a big way. I was a teenager at the time, and Cryin and Amazing were great songs on the radio.

6. Pink Floyd/The Wall - "Hey! Teacher! Leave those kids alone!" Besides this album, Pink Floyd never had a really HUGE hit album. They still had number 1s, but this album was the one that made them. Fantastic songwriting.

5. Santana/Supernatural - brought the master of latin guitar back in a BIG way after years of being relegated to classic rock stations. This pick will probably be somewhat controversial, so I'll state why I chose it: 1. jam packed with excellent songs, both in the original Santana style and with new guest singers, 2. probably his best work since the early 80's, and 3. out of all his albums past and present, this one has the most punch.

4. Nirvana/Nevermind - Wow. I don't know if anyone really remembers what it was like to be a teenager when Nirvana hit the music scene, even those of us that lived it. I think that every one knew that a legend was in the making when this album hit.

3. Fleetwood Mac/Rumours - Personal favorite here. They had many, many good albums, but my favorite song is The Chain, so I have to go with this one. Helps that it also sold the biggest too!

2. Creedence Clearwater Revival/Green River - 5 years. One of the best bands of all time, and due to contract issues (and non-payment of money by their record company) the band disbanded after only 5 years. While all of their middle 6 albums from 68-70 contained their best work, this one is my favorite as I listened to it as a kid.

1. The Beatles/Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - This record was released to ENORMOUS fanfare - the public just had high expectations. And every single bit of it was deserved. Some say Revolver was truer to their song-writing abilities, some say White Album was more creative (wrongly), and some say Abbey Road was just plain the best they ever did. And just about every other reviewer would agree... and in fact, I would put this one, Revolver, and Abbey Road as 1-3 on the list of best albums by legendary bands. However, to me this is the album that put them at the top of all bands, all time. And be it known that while they are not my favorite band of all time, you do have to give them props. They laid the foundation for everyone after.

Until later.... THE NATEMARE STRIKES AGAIN!

Thought 6: Amateur Writing and List 10: Worst Feelings

14 comments on yesterday's post! Woohoo! I'm catching up to Beasty!

Anyway, I've got two posts to combine today, Thought 6 and List 10.

Thought 6: Amateur Writing
We all do it. You write an email, write a note in a Christmas card, write an office document... you are putting your thoughts down. You are describing your viewpoint on a particular subject. But there are stages of writing: informal writing like an email, formal writing like at work, thought writing like a journal... and then there is amateur writing for the purpose of telling a story.

Amateur writing is for the purpose of someday, somehow deciding your own fate. You want to decide how YOU leave your mark on the world, not someone else. And I admit it, I'm one of those that tries my hand at amateur writing. I've got short stories, the beginnings of 2 novels (which should be finished sometime before 2050), and other quick notes, thoughts, ideas, and synopsis of other stories and tales.

But there is a catch. There are literally millions of us out there, each of us drudging through our normal lives hoping to become the next Dan Brown or JK Rowling. Is there hope? Yes, but only if we are all open to one important factor:

Criticism.

The best things that amateur writers can do numbers two: date everything you write, and then submit your writings to your family and friends with the point of having them NOT tell you that the story is good, but that it needs work in specific areas. And have your friends and family butcher the plot, the story, the characters with red ink and notes of what is wrong.

The only way to become a strong writer is to admit to ourselves that we are getting in on the bottom floor, we really are amateurs... and are working in the mailroom.

But with help we can get to the floors above.

List 10: Worst Sudden Feelings
You know what these are. They are the feelings you get when something immediately goes wrong with the plan... even if that plan is something as simple as sitting down, taking a walk, catching a flight. These feelings are the sudden tightness in the pit of your stomach when the realization strikes that the world really is against you. A quick note though, these are not the prolonged feelings that linger for days/weeks (unless something is added to the initial feeling). So you won't see any "breakups" or "accidents" or "natural disasters" or "family distress" feelings here.

So here they are, the worst feelings in the world!

Honorable mention: anything outside inbetween bare toes (slugs, thorns, nails, dog crap, etc...)
10. When you sit down on a standard office/movie theater seat... and it's still warm from the previous person. It's a very uncomfortable feeling, even though you know it shouldn't bother you... so common, that Douglas Adams defined the phenomenom in "The Meaning of Liff" as Shoeburyness: (abs. n.) = the vague uncomfortable feeling you get when sitting on a seat which is still warm from someone else's bottom.
9. You park your car and run into a store for a minute to pick up something in a hurry. You purchase your item, run back to your car, sit down, hear and feel the crunch... and realize that you had thrown your sunglasses onto the very same seat.
8. You rush around, get to the airport, catch your flight, settle into your seat... and realize that you left a perishable food item on the counter top.
7. You're in a hurry in the morning, so you take an extra quick shower, throw on some clothes, drive your car or catch the shuttle to work... and realize that your work pass is still at home.
6. Someone sends you a snide email. So you forward to your friends, rant about the person, click send... and realize that you had actually replied to that person as well.
5. You park your car and run into a store for a minute to pick up something in a hurry. You purchase your item, run back to your car, drive home... and realize you left your wallet on the store counter.
4. You're at an outdoor gathering. You put your food on your seat (lawn chair), grab another drink, go back to your seat and sit down... and realize that you didn't pick up your food first.
3. You're late for an evening do. You rush around and get ready, prepare to leave, flick the lock on the house door and close it... and realize your keys are on the stand inside the house, next to the door. Works for the car too.
2. You rush around, get to the airport, catch your flight, settle into your seat... and realize that you forgot to lock all of the doors/windows.
1. You rush around, catch the ride to the airport, get in line... and realize you forgot your passport at home.


So my question to the Natemare reading public: have you experienced any of these? I have - one quick story:
In 2000 I was late trying to catch a cross Atlantic flight from DC to London. It was late in the evening, and of course traffic was a disaster. And of course I was late as well, throwing clothes, documents, and other assorted requirments into my suitcase and briefcase. So I get a cab and ride it all the way to the airport. I get out of the cab, step into line at the ticket counter, and begin rummaging. E-ticket? Check. CD player? Check. Sunglasses? Check. Passport?...

...Passport?...

...Passport?...

...Feck. Had to get the flight rescheduled (out $150). Had to take a cab home (well, the Virgo's home at the time). And wasted an entire evening.

Four posts in one!

That's right... four posts! Four of them! Them of four! Count 'em and weep like the small child you are! Mwahahahaha!

Today I'm going to catch up reeeeaaaaal fast to where I should be. So I'm going to post four items today:
Person 1: The Virgo
Thought 5: English Weather
Event 3: The Championship Game
List 9: "That" Guy in Movies (with pics!)

Person 1: The Virgo
You may have heard (seen) me mention The Virgo. The Virgo is ghostly apparition... a beautiful yet mysterious redhead who will appear from time to time... she may even start her own blog! She's managed to stick with me after all of my crap.

I owe her BIG time.

Thought 5: English Weather
I know, there are 3 other ones on the list (see post from a few days ago), but I'll get to them eventually. The last two to three days make this thought more important.

You know, there is a saying that the English love talking about the weather because it's always interesting. However, I know the truth... my British friends and strangers talk about the weather because it always sucks. Not because it is particularly fun, just that it sucks in general. That's why they have about 30 different ways to say that it's raining (only the volume changes).

There is no way I should need a jacket in May/June.

So I've learned a trick to the umbrella game... you need four (4) umbrellas to survive in this country:
1. 1 at Home
2. 1 at Work
3. 1 in the Car
4. 1 "everyday" umbrella that you always carry with you, regardless of what umbrellas you have stashed away.

Event 3: The Championship Game

You're at the game. 1 minute left. One more point/score, and your team wins and gets to the championship game. Your star player does his best, but he's double/triple covered. He passes to a bench player... who drives towards the goal, or swings the bat, or shoots a long shot... and SCORES! It's over! You're team is going to the title game! Pandamonium strikes, and a writhing mass of humanity is screaming and dancing in the stands while the team celebrates the victory on the field.

You're at the pub. You're team has the slim lead. If they hang on to defense, you're in the title game. You've chewed your nails down to the knuckle, but you don't feel the pain. You're pint and cigarette haven't been touched in 5 minutes. The sweat is trickling down your face. 30 seconds left. The other team is putting together a spirited offense. They fire shot after shot, out after out, but your team is holding on. Hanging on, hanging on... 5...4...3...2...1... it's over! You're team is going to the title game! You cheer and dance and scream with strangers in a little corner building in a little corner neighborhood.

For you sports fans out there in the Natemare reading public, you may or may not know what it's like to have your team in the championship game. You've probably experienced the playoffs, but that's different... in the playoffs, you are trying to reach a goal that is still in the future. In the title game, you are AT the goal. This game is it. Win or go home, be the winner of all or the loser of all. That's why the quarterfinals, the semis, they matter in terms of the ultimate prize but ultimately if your guy/gal/team loses you can always look forward to the next time.

But in the title game, this is it. Your peeps have played their little hearts out, and stand only minutes away from glory or defeat.

If your team loses in the playoffs, it's okay. You always tell yourself that next year, finally, will be the year you get to the title and win. You count down the years, and maybe, maybe not, your team just might win once or twice.

If your team loses the title game, the fear strikes... was this it? Was this the best chance for your team to win the cup/title? If you're a fan of one of the worlds BIG clubs, you don't worry that much... the NY Yankees? Always next year. The Dallas Cowboys? Ditto. ManU? The same. Australia in the Ashes? Well, they usually win anyway :-)

I've had the privilege of seeing exactly 1 of my teams make it to the title match, but at least they've done it a couple of times that I can remember.
1. In baseball, the St Louis Cardinals have been in 3 World Series that I can remember, and 1 other while I've been gracing this green earth (85, 87, and 2004, can't remember 82). Unfortunately, they won 82, but lost the other three.... they're leading their division yet again this year, so maybe, just maybe, this will be it....
2. In football (American), I've always been a Miami Dolphins fan. Usually in the playoffs, never in the title game... I can't remember 84, so I'm now working on over 20 years of frustration.
3. In football here in England, I've been in something of a quandry... my family name originates from Sunderland, so they're my team. But it may be DECADES before they reach a point to compete at the top of the premiership :-)

I have other teams too that I follow and root for, but those are it. Those are the ones that, if they reach the title game and win, I might break the record for the world's longest hangover.

List 9: "That Guy" List
You know these guys. They're the ones in the movies that you see and you exclaim "hey, it's that guy/gal!". They make the movie better, they're good journeymen actors/actresses, they even have the face recognition.

They just don't have the name recognition.

You sit through the entire film... you feel you SHOULD know their name, but you just don't...

So anyway, her is a list of my favorite THAT guys. There are some character actors that are excellent as well, but you should already know their names and they are not on this list. So you won't see Ving Rhames or Steve Buscemi, as you know their names.

So here they are:
10. Michelle Rodriguez

Would be higher, but she's more well known than others on this list. You've seen her in the TV show Lost, Resident Evil, The Fast and the Furious, and other smaller films. She's always the tough gal, and she's a great actress so she's got to be here on the list.

9. James Cosmo

Braveheart alumnus. He's getting more and more work, as an advisor to a king or a senior military guy - see Troy, The Four Feathers, and even The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

8. Connie Nielson

You'll recognize her from Gladiator and a few other films. Usually plays the sultry female counterpart - and delivers!

7. Dina Meyer

You'll recognize her from many, many films, including Starship Troopers. She's usually the tough redhead in action films/shows.

6. William Fichtner

You'll recognize this guy from Black Hawk Down, Armegeddon, Go, The Perfect Storm, and many others. He's not a GREAT actor, but he chugs away at the lines and action.

5. Oded Fehr

You'll recognize him from the Mummy films. He's now appearing in quite a few character roles, and he usually plays a tough Arab or Indian man.

4. Michael Clarke Duncan

You've seen him in Green Mile, Armegeddon, The Island, and a many other films. He's a big dude, and always plays the sidekick, and always makes the film much better.

3. Clint Howard

You know him from every Ron Howard film (Maybe because they are brothers?), and he plays character parts in other films. You can remember his face, but you just can't remember more than that he's Ron Howard's brother.

2. Judi Dench (picture would not upload for some reason...)
My British friends will say that she's very well known... she's a longtime British TV and movie actress. However, in the States her face is known but her name is not, and she's always got the part of the strong, older British women who sets the protagonist "right."

1. Desmond Llewelyn

Also known as Q. His passing was a great shame... he was in every Bond film till he handed over the reigns to John Cleese. Always the one to tell Bond to "grow up" and to not damage the special spy equipment, and to not eat Q's lunch, he was a comforting presence even as the face of Bond changed.

Until next time folks... THE NATEMARE STRIKES AGAIN!

Thought 4: Back in Action, List 8: Best Movie Soundtracks

Four. Four stinking comments on the longest bad joke in the world? I'm disappointed... I'll have to try harder next time!

Anyway, going to combine 2 posts this morning: Thought 4: Back in Action, and List 8: Best Movie Soundtracks

Thought 4
Recovering from a nasty bug now, and as I'm on the up I should be able to resume regular postings. Can't get rid of me that easily!

Ever notice how recovering from illness is usually: ill, fatigued, and then absentmindedness (when you suddenly realize that it's gone)? Beast mentioned it in passing on his blog, and I thought that it sounded a fair bit like how it actually goes. First, I'm ill. Then I'm fatigued, and waiting to feel better. Then, I suddenly forget I was ill... and voila, I'm better.

Anyway, over the next couple of days I'll try combining posts to make them much, much fatter and to catch up a bit :-)

So here is the next list....

List 8: Best Movie Soundtracks/Scores

These are, of course, not the mostly-crammed-full-of-popular-songs-and-filler soundtracks that seem to go with (and not fit at all) every movie nowadays. These are the soundtracks that set the mood for the movie, timed perfectly with the drama or action. These don't even have to be readily listen-able on CD, as maybe they need to movie to go with it. In other words, these are the soundtracks you may or may not buy, but they stick with you a long time afterwards.

(not my) Honorable Mentions - Top Gun and Dirty Dancing. Not mine, these are on the Virgo's list :-)
10. Braveheart - The music set the mood. It fit and timed the action of the film, and made you feel tense and emotional. Good movie made fantastic by the music.
9. Star Wars Original Trilogy - everyone knows these tunes by heart. Would be higher, but isn't there really only the opening score, Luke's theme, and Vader's theme?
8. New Jersey Drive - a little known film about the trials (and carjackings) of living in the inner city, the soundtrack (which featured some big names at the time) was a perfect hip/hop compliment.
7. 8 Mile - another hip/hop film. A pretty good story to the film, and the film was about singing, and the soundtrack was mostly original stuff. Good work.
6. Sound of Music - You heard me. Shut up.
5. The Lord of the Rings trilogy- Again, the music set the mood. Surprisingly good, as I thought they would fill these movies either with pure classical (which would have been a mistake) or popular singers trying to sound folksy (ditto). They had just enough classical, action scores, light singing to fill the need.
4. Hackers - great sampling mid to late 90's techno. The movie was (somewhat) alright, but the music made it better. And it actually fit!
3. The Matrix - and only the first movie. Again, great sampling of turn of the century techno, and the sound editor put the tunes into a perfect fit with the movie.
2. The Crow. Where do I even start? Everytime the protagonist flies through the air or beats someone up, and some of the best 90's grunge/industrial bands pipe in, you know you get revenge chills. The soundtrack, from The Cure (great swan song from a great 80's band), Nine Inch Nails, and Rage Against the Machine, fits the mood of the movie perfectly. Holds the honor of being the only soundtrack that I purchased an hour after seeing the movie for the first time. Would be #1, except for...
1. ...Indiana Jones (any of the 3) - Has there ever been a soundtrack that WAS the movie? And has there ever been a movie that just would not have been the same PERIOD without the soundtrack? Come on, you know it's true. I bet you've whistled this one yourself :-)

Feel free to disagree!

Until later folks - THE NATEMARE STRIKES AGAIN (AFTER A LONG BREAK AND MUCH COMPLAINING)!!!

Thought 3: Illness strikes...

D'oh!

I planned on letting the clown joke hang up for 24-48 hours, but I'll have to leave it up for another day.

I've got some sort of nasty bug that struck Natemare like he strikes others.

Pity the poor Natemare... or not :-)

Normal operations to open back up in 1 day.

Joke 1

This will be my only post today... not because I don't have anything else to say (I've got lots of lists to unleash on the Natemare-reading public in the next few weeks), but because this post is so important I need it to stick with all of you for at least 24 hours.

*starts stopwatch*

I was out with two groups of friends last night - having a few drinks, chatting, drinking, the whole nine yards. By both groups, I was reminded of this joke that has become my trademark for that special hour at the end of parties when everyone is thoroughly drunk and easy to get laughing.

The reason I'm about to tell you this joke is because it really is THAT good. What I'm about to tell you is so legendary, so shocking, so fantastic, so epic, that you will more than likely cream your pants in anticipation of the punchline.

This joke has been a tradition for years...

...and you should be honored that I'm about to tell you...

...what I call...

...The Clown Joke.

Joke 1: The Clown Joke
There was a man who worked in an average office building on the east coast of the United States. He was an average man, with an average apartment, and average car, and average clothes. All in all, he didn't stand out in either a good or bad way. However, he did have one problem: shyness. And the most potent target of his shyness was the boss's assistant.

Talk about PHE-nominal. She was beautiful, gorgeous, breath-taking... 6 feet tall, FANTASTIC body, red hair, green eyes. Perfect in every way.

And he just could NOT talk to her. Every time he needed to see the boss, he sweated profusely. He stammered. He stumbled. Once, he needed to schedule a meeting with the boss... and proceeded to spill his coffee all over her. Basically, when she was around, he was an disaster of epic proportions. And he was sooo taken with her.

And he let his friends know. And their responses were always the same: "Hey man, you're just going to have learn how to chill!" "Dude, you're just going to have to talk to her!" "Dude, she's not dating at the moment, this is your chance!"

And finally, he decided that they were right.

But how? He wanted to just ask her on a date, and he wanted to make it good. He spent an entire weekend just thinking about how and where to ask her out... to the movies? No, too cliched. Dinner? No, his elbows and wine didn't mix. He was about to give up hope when he saw the ad in the local paper:

"Smith and Smith Circus in town! Saturday, May 29! Be there!"

PERFECT! It was a perfect place... not too romantic where his nerves would get the best of him, and yet they would be able to talk and enjoy each others company (if it worked out, of course). Sunday night - he resolved that the following morning would be his day... his validation... the time when he would ask her out... and become a MAN.

Monday morning. Office. Sitting in his desk. Hands shaking. But this is it, he's going to do it. So he stands up, and begins walking to the boss's assistant's desk.... and turns right around and plummets into his chair. He just can't do it... and he tries again and again on Monday, to no avail. Tuesday rolls by, same story. Wednesday. Thursday.

Friday. He had one day left... and he knew it was then, or never...

So he walked towards her desk again. Slowly. Surely. Shakily, but he was doing it...

And he said: "Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I was wondering if you were free this weekend?"

The boss's assistant looked up at the man and with a slow smile said, "sure, why do you ask?"

His nerves were rocked with promise, but he continued, "I was wondering... umm, if... I mean, if you aren't doing anything else... would you like to go to the circus with me?"

With a friendly laugh and with a touch on his arm, she replied "Finally! I was wondering when you were going to ask me out! I was going to go anyway as I've loved the circus since I was a kid, but it will be more fun with company."

Total elation! They set up the time and place, and then the man literally skipped his way through the rest of the day, evening, and following morning.

Saturday evening. He picked her up at her place... and she was absolutely stunning. Beautiful as always. They drove to the circus. Fun stuff everywhere... food, fun, music, magic, everything you could possibly want. A trumpet sounded, and everyone went to the big tent. Everything was in there - animal tricks, people performing feats of strength and agility, everything. And another trumpet sounded, and a little car races into the center ring. And out pours all of these little clowns doing stunts, running around, acting crazy.

But the last clown was huge... walking on tall stilts, the clown sauntered around the ring, looking for someone. And when the clown spots the man, he sees a nervous person he can humiliate. So he walks over in front of the stands, and the clown asks the man: "Sir, are you a horse?" In a shakey voice, the man said: "No, no I'm not."

Clown looks around, and then asks him: "Sir, are you an ass?" Again, the man said shakily, unsure of what's to follow: "No, no I'm not."

The clown looked around at the quiet tent, turned to the man, and said: "Then sir, you must be - a horse's ass."

Pandemonium. The tent roared into laughter... and the man was SO embarrassed, he fled the tent, got into his car, and drove away... all the way, in fact, to California.

A year passed. The man got a new job, a new house... and a new attitude. He learned how to stick up for himself, picked up drinking... and smoking... and got a new Harley to ride on. He became, for once in his life, COOL.

But he still had an enemy. THAT CLOWN. So he checked the schedule of the Smith and Smith Circus. And timed it. And he rode his bike back to the East Coast. And on Friday, he stormed into his former office. Walked up to the boss's assistant, who he hadn't seen since the circus, and said: "Tomorrow. Date. The circus. I'll pick you up at 6." Stunned by the obvious change and new confidence the man carried, she replied yes.

So he picks her up on his Harley... and they race to the circus. Again, fun stuff everywhere... food, fun, music, magic, everything you could possibly want. A trumpet sounded, and everyone went to the big tent. Everything was in there - animal tricks, people performing feats of strength and agility, everything. And another trumpet sounded, and a little car races into the center ring. And out pours all of these little clowns doing stunts, running around, acting crazy.

But the last clown was huge... walking on tall stilts, the clown sauntered around the ring, looking for someone. And when the clown spots the man, his old victim, he lets out a laugh. It's time for more humiliation.

The clown asks the man: "Sir, are you a horse?" In a firm voice, the man said: "No."

Clown looks around, and then asks him: "Sir, are you an ass?" Again, the man said firmly: "NO."

The clown looked around at the quiet tent, turned to the man, and said: "Then sir, you must be - a horse's ass."

Again, the tent laughed.... but the man just took out a cigarette and lighter...

...the man stood up...

...lit his cigarette...

...stared the clown right in the eyes...

...and said:

"Fuck you, clown!"

...

...

*Natemare quietly leaves the room, avoiding the rotten tomatoes on his way...*

List 7: Worst Traditions (both religious and secular)

"Is it that time of year again???" Damn...

Tradition: A time-honored practice or set of such practices.
ARGH. I'm not big on tradition. There are so many traditions... what to wear, what to buy, when to do something, how to do something, who to speak to, how to speak to them. Tradition is there to make sure that there isn't too much change... because old people might revolt if everything changed daily.

But not I, says the cat... I hate tradition. I say, "if it's a rule, break it. If it's a requirement, snub it. If it's pushed on you, reject it." Unfortunately, not many people agree and I'm still tortured with the "traditions" of my ancestors and peers.

So here is my personal list of the worst traditions:
10. Easter Egg hunts - that's right, you heard me. As a kid, I loved this tradition... and then I grew up and realized how many hard-boiled eggs I wasted because I've always hated the damn things.
9. The Christmas Office Party - I actually enjoy myself at these. But, inevitably, someone gets a little too wasted and ends up telling everyone what they REALLY think...
8. Annual/Semi-Annual Super Sale of the Uber Century - just so that the store can remind you that the item you bought last week is half-price now.
7. Family Reunion - Admit it. There are some people you have a problem with, even if you are related. And beer/BBQ doesn't make this any better.
6. Wearing green on St Patty's day/Not wearing white shoes after labor day/not opening public pools until Memorial Day - all three of these traditions are lumped into one. As a kid, I could NEVER remember when St Patty's Day was... and I still have the bruises from the pinches to prove it (and yes, I'm quite a bit Irish). And why can't you wear white after Labor Day (in the US, it's first Monday in Sep for my British friends)? And why, oh why didn't the summer parks open until Memorial Day?! In the South, late April through May was steaming, but everyone had to wait until the kiddies were out of school for the summer...
5. High School/College Reunions - an excuse for others to talk themselves up and feel more important than their former friends. And for someone to drink too much.
4. The Red Carpet on Oscar Night - "And here comes Actress A. Her movie bombed, but she is worth more than the entire audience combined. Here comes Actor B, he's a lunatic cult member but he's dating Model C - isn't that nice?"
3. The Inaugural Ball - There s/he is, the candidate that you did/did not vote for (which doesn't matter, since all politicians are the same), dressed to the max on tax-payer money, with hundreds of important people and donors also dressed to the max on tax-payer money, drinking and eating tax-payer money, and basically flipping off the lower classes.
2. The changing of the guard at "royal" palaces - I'm as red-blooded as any American (as my British friends know). And one thing I can't stand are all of my fellow Americans, as tourists in foreign countries, desperate to get a camara shot of some guy with a really tall hat who's walking funny. Aren't we the ones that rejected the concept of blue blood? They don't seem to remember that while they shove each other out of the way. Would be number one, but even worse than this tradition is...
1. ...Christmas Shopping - You scramble with millions of other shoppers for that ONE gift that everyone wants. You spend hundreds (and possibly thousands) on people you barely talk to for the rest of the year. And all you get are a packet of socks and book you'll never read. Good grief.

But who am I to judge? I have about a million traditions I follow each day...

Until next time folks... THE NATEMARE HAS JUST STRUCK!

Thought 2: A late start for school...

Thought 2: It seemed like a good idea at the time...

I had the acceptance, I had the time, I even had the moral support. There were just two things I lacked: money, and willpower. And the story of my college odyssey has continued ever since.

You see, my issue was that my family did not have enough money to pay for college, and I didn't have the "staying power" to succeed without it. Not an issue, you say? Get loans, you say? Normally, I would agree with you. There is nothing wrong with building up a bit of debt for the privilege of getting that degree. In fact, I think it helps the college student to learn a bit more about personal finance.

Unfortunately, it would NOT have helped me. I lacked the staying power in high school, dropping my GPA (in only 1 year!) from a not-too-shabby 3.5 something to a lackluster 2.8. And even then that scared me... my senior year was a disaster. I knew that I would drink and party and get thrown out of college, I knew that I had to grow up, I knew I needed more time and money... but I didn't know the how.

Enter: The US Air Force.
That's right... I signed up. It had the solutions I was looking for: money for school, it was guaranteed "get me in shape physically/emotionally", and it would give me time to plan out my future. And while I don't regret the decision at all - I grew up, I got that money, I got job experience, and I have friends for life - it took 4 years away from potential schooling and it got me directly in the work force.

And therein lies the crux... by the time I left, I was 22 and had a good civilian job. Which kind of makes it difficult to go to school. There is night school, but if you work full time (and overtime) night school can be difficult to hold down. So I waited, and waited, and waited...

Which leads me to when I was 26. I had a grand total of 25 college credits, after a couple of courses and some education in the AF. I was embarrassed... not that I wasn't a college grad (almost my entire family is in that boat!), but that I wanted it so bad and hadn't really done much to get it. So I did the leap - I signed up for courses, and I've been working towards that degree. I'm now sitting on 76 credits, and about 2 years away from finishing.

Which brings me back full circle. Was it a good decision to wait? I still don't know... I'll be done by my 30th, but most finish by their 22nd (for the bachelor's). By all accounts, I'm 8 years behind. Then again, I gained valuable work experience (4 years ahead of my peers), and I "grew up."

Only time will tell how successful the decision is/was.


Here are some upcoming posts, which are already in draft form...
Thought 3: Amateur Writing
Thought 4: Social Smoking
Thought 5: Computer Upgrades

Event 3: The Championship Game
Event 4: The Sudden Shopping Spree
Event 6: National Elections
Event 7: New Years Day, Cinco de Mayo, and the Fourth of July

List 7: Worst Traditions (both religious and secular)
List 8: Best Movie Soundtracks
List 9: Most Underrated Movies
List 10: Biggest Promise & Subsequent Letdown - Music
List 11: Beer!

Can't help but make a second post today! List 6: leftover food...

Yuck!!!

What's that you've found in the back of your fridge? Who knows - it used to be a block of cheese, a baked potato, a carton of milk, or leftover Indian food. Now? It's a green and black blob of mutating alien life...

So here it is, the list of the WORST things to find in your fridge!

List 6: Leftover Food

10. Moldy cheese - not bad you say? A lot of cheese is moldy you say? Generally, I would agree with you. However, there are some days when you just NEED to have some cheese grilled on something/anything. So you find that block of cheddar, and it's got a large colony on it. No fret, you think, and you start cutting... and cutting... and cutting... and by the time the mold is gone, you're left with a small nub of not-enough-to-grill.

9. Leftover rice - I don't know why, but when rice goes moldy it just smells FOUL with all caps. It doesn't look bad, but when you open the tupperware...

8. Grapes - you bought them two days ago, and stuck them in the fridge intending to eat them that night. Two days go by, so you break them out... and the outside looks fine, so you have a couple, but you know something is wrong. So you part the bunch, and find the heart is a web of mold. Yuck.

7. Bread - not in the fridge per se, but still a problem. You come home from work, and you don't feel like cooking... so you're thinking "sandwich night!" You open the bread, and are greated by the bread-lovers worst enemy.

6. Nightly, homecooked leftovers - this is the catch-all for home cooked meals that you put in with the plan of "I'll eat it for lunch tomorrow" but it turns into a 2 week saga...

5. Vegetables with "the patch" - you know what I'm talking about. You bring them out, and while washing them you notice what I call "the patch"... its a darkish, soft spot on the side. The doubt is going through your mind... so you cut it open, and it's just black and gooey all over. Oh well.

4. Sour Milk - not-the-slightly-over-the-expiration-date kind, I'm talking about the back-of-the-fridge-three-months-past-chunks-of-almost-cheese...

3. Green Meat - You're thinking of a nice ham or turkey on rye. So you open the meat drawer of the fridge. Something smells "off"... and you take out the ham or turkey, and its a sea of green. Nothing, and I mean NUTTIN smells worse than wrong meat.

2. Chinese takeout - I don't know what it is that makes Chinese takeout go so wrong so fast. My favorite dish used to be beef and broccoli (until I became El Vegetariano), but if I left it in the fridge it would go south of the border in a hurry. Something about the combination would make everything go really bad and stink to high heaven. Which leads me to number one....

1. ...anything left in the fridge over a holiday/vacation - You've just scored an awesome vacation. The flight was 20% off, you found the best little hotel on the island, and you're saying ADIOS to the workplace for 3 solid weeks. But the fear creeps in... and the night before you leave on the uber-break you attack the fridge with a fury not seen since General Patton. Milk? Gone. Fruit/Vegs? Tossed. Leftovers? Adios, amigos. Eggs? You better believe it. And you think you've got it all... leaving just the ketchup, mustard, olives, secured-unopened cheeses, and unopened butter. So you leave, you have a great time, you come back... and as soon as you open the door, your nose tells you something is wrong. You open the fridge just a crack... and you are attacked by the artist-formally-known-as-leftovers, The Thing, THE BLOB, in the flesh. And with the resignation of one who has met his/her Waterloo, you break out the chlorox/sulfuric acid/plutonium to blast, clean, and radiate the gunk and smell away...

Until later folks... THE NATEMARE HAS JUST STRUCK!

List 5 and Event 2: I plead the fifth

I plead the fifth, your honor.

On the advice of my "beastly" lawyer, I will try and refrain to only one (1) (uno) (un) post per day. Apparently, it's to allow everyone to catch up with my insane thoughts before I fire another salvo. As those who know me can attest, my issue while I'm on the stand is that I have too much to say... which proves that I'm not a criminal, because I can't keep my mouth shut. Strap yourself in and feel the Gs!

On that note, I will combine two (2) (dos) (deux) posts into one (1) (uno) (un) post today: List 5 - Greatest road songs all-time, and Event 2 - Medieval Faires/Festivals.

List 5 - Greatest Road Songs, All-Time
This isn't a list of the greatest songs or bands. These aren't even MY favorite songs. But you know what I'm talking about... you're bored, driving on the motorway/interstate, listening to a drab rock station that's only playing new non-rock crap (and yes, I'm a youngin who's supposed to like that crap). But here it comes.... the crap song ends, and there's a pause... a guitar riff... you know the song... and BAM! the volume goes up, the cigarette is lit, the windows come down, and you're off and singing.

So here they are, the greatest road songs:
10. Stairway to Heaven/Led Zeppelin - Not higher due to length, and beginning is a bit slow for driving to. However, as soon as the moody guitar starts, you're hooked into the story...
9. Mudshovel/Staind - newer song. Probably not a lot of people know this song, but it's on my list. There have been way too many times that I've been going 90 and smoking cigs while weaving in and out of traffic thanks to this song...
8. Seven Nation Army/White Stripes - again, a newer song by the best formally unknown band. This one gets you going right with the start with the bass guitar, and is best if you have the speakers to handle it...
7. Billy Jean/Michael Jackson - dude/tte is crazy and should be locked away, but come on... who DOESN'T sing along to this song?!
6. The House of the Rising Sun/The Animals - "there is... a house... down in New Orleans..."
5. Magic Carpet Ride/Steppenwolf - Awesome song... and works if there's a lady in the car HA! :-)
4. Enter Sandman/Metallica - Yep, you knew this one was on there. By FAR their best song.
3. Don't Fear the Reaper/Blue Oyster Cult - I have no idea why... but everyone I know, including me, love this song in the car. Fantastic guitar riffs.
2. Radar Love/Golden Earring - This was their ONLY hit. And yet, as soon as the guitar comes in, and the drums start, you're playing the drummer on the steering wheel and generally being a road hazard. Would be number one, except...
1. We Will Rock You&We Are the Champions/Queen - Come on. You know why. Don't tell me you have never shrilled this two-punch combo at the top of your lungs, especially after a fantastic ass-kicking day.

Event 2 - Medieval Faires/Festivals
Is there a sweeter invention for ale-lovers?! You have blanket permission to imbibe in copious amounts of ales, mead, turkey legs, you get to watch people wack each other with wooden swords, there are fake jousts and the people chess-board... damn fun all the way around. In addition, there is the HI-larious combination of 400 pound, 40 year old mama's boys with polyester Robin Hood outfits.

For 8 years, I had this festival that I went to in Maryland, US. It had it all - tons of stands selling modern medieval related artifacts, about 10 - beer stands all over the compound, TONS upon TONS of food, and several stages with singers, fighters, and comedy routines... and it was at the same place for 3 solid months. For the first 4 years, I had a regular crew which went on the same day, usually towards the last month, and we would all get an early, early start on the ale. By 4:30, we were the drunks cheering on the jousters. By sundown, we were pretty sloshed.

I'm still trying to find one here in the UK... there are many really good events and music festivals, but not a real "fair" so to speak...

Anyway, till next time... THE NATEMARE HAS JUST STRUCK!

Event 1: the annual Polar Bear/Penguin club meetings

You know what this is... every year, in the frozen weeks/months of winter, in several frozen towns/cities, bordered by frozen rivers/lakes/oceans... a group of people meet at the edge of the ice, strip down to their underwear (pants for the Brits), and dive right into the cold, cold water from hell....

Alright. There are crazy people, and then there are CRAZY people. And jumping into frozen water is not my idea of crazy fun, especially since the home fort has heating. I can see what this ritual does... it's saying to Old Man Winter that you haven't been beaten, that you can take what he throws and survive, and that you'll even enjoy it with friends. But still... that water has to be really, really cold!

On the other hand, I read that members of these clubs live 5-10 years longer than their peers. Is it the water? Or is it exercise?

Either way, you might just find me joining them next winter. Or not :-)

Thought 1: Rants and the ranters that rant them

Okay, I confess. I rant all of the time. I rant about taxes, I rant about other drivers, I rant about service, I rant about movies/sportsI rant about rantings. It's cathartic in a way to get things off my chest, and let others know how I feel so that they can say "you are sooooo right"....

But there is a line that some rants cross. I can't tell you what that line is, but it's there. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes it's not...

Exhibit A: Service rants
A lot of us rant about service. We don't get the meal we ordered, we don't get what we want fast enough, or we get what we wanted but the person is an angry human being. It's acceptable to complain, we all do it, it gives us validation. However, there are cases where the rant is probably not deserved. For example, someone I used to know someone quite well in the states, and that person was ranting the other day. Seems s/he had to come in early for work (like 3am), was running late, and stopped at one of the only 24 hour coffee shops I've ever heard of. Apparently, the person who was working the shift was very tired and didn't work fast enough. So the person I know throws an insult and leaves... Now. I'm not the nicest person in the world. But those graveyard shifts are horrid... and by the early morning, you are so tired from working on a clock different from everyone. I don't know if the person behind the counter was REALLY slow or just slow, but come on. Cut they man/woman some slack. Don't insult them. Rant later, but don't rant in the person's face. Not nice.

Exhibit B: Driving rants
I love these. People during rush hour just drive horrid. No one knows why... possibly it's just because everyone is trying to rush to work/home. And yet, everyone HAS to rant about the person in the car who just slid in front of them, so called "cutting them off." I GUARANTEE that the person who is ranting has done the EXACT SAME THING. So shut up and just drove to work/home in quiet!

Exhibit C: Work rants
So you don't like someone you work with. So what? We all like and don't like other people at work... that's just the nature of shoving a lot of people onto a team for a specific purpose. Do your job, and get promoted out of there...

Until later - THE NATEMARE HAS JUST STRUCK!

List 4: Bad, bad drunks and their arguments

I love beer. Wine too. Whisk(e)y as well. And vodka is not too bad neither.

But there is one inescapable fact.... alcohol leads to bravery... bravery leads to the soapbox... and when two people on their soapboxes collide, the "drunken argument" is joined in full! All topics are covered, from wars (past, current, and especially future), family (who's sucks, who's doesn't, and who doesn't care), relationships, politics, religion, sports... you name it, it's been argued in a fashion that won't win a debate.

So what follows is a list of the arguments that, unfortunately, I've been in/overheard/laughed at while intaking of the nectar of the gods.

Broken down by subject:

War - This subject always kills me the next morning. I'm something of a history buff, and I've been caught up in so many arguments about past/current/future wars that I think I've wasted a good percentage of my life.

5. Germany would have won the war if they had not had invaded Russia - this one always gets me laughing (and yes, I've been one of the debaters too). The main assumption in this argument is that Hitler was NOT insane... which of course he was, so this argument is moot. He invaded, got his butt kicked, history written.

4. The U.S. would not have gained independence if the British had sent more troops - this one is for all of my British friends :-) I've been the pub and I've argued back and forth on this one. Hindsight is always 20/20... and the catch is that Britain did NOT care about the American colonies at the time... there just wasn't a lot there at the time in terms of people or resources. In addition, France was acting up again, so their attention was elsewhere. And as such, there really was only one outcome unless the American generals had really screwed up.

3. China is going to eventually a clash with the West - again, this assumes one thing... that China and the West do not like money. But everyone likes money. Therefore, the trade links will continue, and we will all become one happy (dysfunctional) family.

2. Current events - this one can start an all out fight in a bar/pub, so I'll just leave this one alone :-)

1. Robots WILL start a war sometime in the future a la Terminator/Matrix/etc. - I don't even know where to start. Again, this assumes that scientists are stupid and will not invent severe kill switches. I think Asimov was right... robots will be programmed to not harm humans, and it would take a clever human to circumvent this process. Besides, all of us alive will be dead (more than likely) by that time, so who gives a crap?

Family - this subject can be really touchy, and is usually thrown out there towards the end just to make people uncomfortable. I hate this one...

4. I think s/he is cheating on me - usually, this is thrown out there to try and get people to convince them otherwise, even if there is a blinking red sign that says "YES, S/HE IS". I just excuse myself and buy another round :-)

3. If (she hadn't gotten pregnant/if I hadn't gotten pregnant) we wouldn't have gotten married - deed done. You've made your choice, now work it out dammit!

2. My family is the best/worst in the world - there are 6 billion people. I'm fairly sure that someone's family is better/worse than yours!

1. If I win the lottery, I'll give lots to my family - yeah, okay, sure... so you're going to win 40 million dollars/pounds, and you're just going to look after the family ONLY? Look, everyone knows the truth of what happens, even to the most altruistic folks. You win the lottery, you buy a huge house and fantastic cars, you give a token amount to the family, and brag to them for the rest of their pitiful lives.

Sports - This one is usually started while watching a game with the team/player in question on the field...

3. Team A will beat Team B in the playoffs - and again, I'm in this one all the time. Look, if we were all oracles, there wouldn't be a NEED for the playoffs!

2. Player A should have won a ring in his career - this one gets me all the time, because my favorite (American) football player was Dan Marino. But he never won the Super Bowl, so occasionally I end up bringing this up and arguing with another fan. But he failed, end of story.

1. Team A was robbed by Team B's cheating antics in the Uber Championship of the World Game - look dude, it's over. Your team lost. That fact will never change. Get over it.

Politics - This one is right in the middle of the table... when everyone has had some, but not too much yet.

3. "So and so" was the best leader ever - okay, that may be true. But while stating that is fine as a start, giving everyone at the table a history lesson while listing out what an absolute god/dess that person was gets really boring.

2. "So and so" should have won the election - look, dude, your man/woman lost the election. The electoral public decided differently than you. You and/or I may not like the results, but it's done.

1. "So and so" would not have allowed the current problems - okay, maybe true, maybe not. But it's not going to happen. Stating the above is fine, but professing to foresee alternate universes is just annoying...

Work

Too many to list :-)

List 3: Worst Movies I've seen (now discuss!)

You know which ones these are. You pay 8 dollars/6 pounds for the privilege of sitting in a theater with a bunch of yaking yahoos. Then the movie starts... and within the first 30 minutes, you are groaning and wishing that you had spent that money on a pints and some smokes instead.

These are movies that I've seen in person (embarrassed to say):
10. Ladder 49 - how the hell do you expect the movie-going public to watch a man burn to death for an hour and a half?! Fake emotion and tear-jerking in the worst way.
9. The Thin Red Line - "look at the pretty trees... wait, there's a war? Huh? But look at the pretty water...."
8. Saw 2 - I'm a horror movie fan, and I like the first one, but this was just ridiculous.
7. Darkness Falls - ditto... stupid plot, not one shiver moment.
6. Mission Impossible 2 - now that the third one is out, I rented this one again... it's as bad as I remember. "Drive car really fast... now do a spin move with the gun... use that tired dialogue..."
5. Splitstream - the version with Mark Hamill. Just sad to see the state that Luke fell to...
4. Star Trek Insurrection - I'm a trekkie (sad but true)... but this one was the worst since ST5.
3. Wild Things - grabs the only movie as so bad, I was drunk when I walked in and completely sober/pissed-off when I walked out...
2. Spice World - yep, sorry to say that I saw this one... I will now throw myself in front of a bus.
1. Ma Mere - French film. Stupid film. Shit on film. No plot, just one painfully stupid moment after another.

List 2: Great drinking movies

You know there are some nights where you paint the town red with the crew, you have some drinks, you have a good time... you get home... but unfortunately you are not sober, but not drunk yet either...

So what do you do?

You crack open another bottle and fire up the DVD player! However, it's got to be the right type of film... it can't require you to think... and passing out is optional...

Here is my list for the greatest late-night drinking movies (work be damned!):
10. Gladiator - solid plot, solid acting, solid action, solid all the way around. The only reason that it's not higher up is because it's more serious fare than the rest of this list.
9. The Empire Strikes Back - "Luke, I am your father." "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" And all of that join me/rule the empire as father and son/NEVER! stuff...
8. The Simpsons - War of the Simpsons episode - not a movie, but great for the purpose anyway. The reason I like this one is because he tries to catch General Sherman, a catfish, and the last tagline as the credits roll is HI-larious.
7. Dawn of the Dead - new version, great zombie flick. Good if you have others, then you can all make stupid disaster plans: "If there were zombies, I would head to a marina" "No, they'd get you before then. I would raid a gun shop" "No that won't work either, I would run into a cave and climb to a ledge..."
6. Baseketball - really stupid movie. But great for the game of "Every time they say 'dude' take a drink."
5. Armageddon - fairly over-the-top acting, Bruce Willis doing Bruce Willis things, good all the way around. Too bad this was his last really good movie as the headliner (IMHO).
4. Rounders - drama about poker, made before poker was cool. I watched it in the theater and played Texas Hold'em non-stop. Don't know why I rank it this high, I just do...
3. Casablanca - that's right, you heard me... the old film. Go ahead and laugh, you don't know what your missing...
2. The Hunt for Red October - solid plot, good acting, and a good movie to remember the last years of the cold war. And of course, Sean Connery doing a Russian accent that sounds amazingly like he's from Scotland... which is always good to make fun of.
1. Independence Day - that's right, the Will Smith alien movie! Good un-serious fun ALL the way around, along with some fake tear-jerking moments. Defend the homeworld!

There is it!

FIRST LIST - Funniest things to see in person...

ARGH! FIRST NATEMARE LIST!

Here is my list of the funniest "things" (events/actions) to see in person. Descending order...

Honorable Mention. Someone trips into dirt/mud/muck and is alright. Good for a quick larf.
10. Drunken friends... holding beers... next to the pool... and the "worse one off" makes a wrong step.
9. Man washes bright, shiny new luxury car. Walks back into his house... and within a few minutes someone walks their dog past and it "refreshes" the tire.
8. Everytime there is a misfire (*pop*) from an old truck/bus and suddenly pedestrians flinch, and some duck and cover. And yes, it's gotten me too.
7. Scenario: someone who hates children... relatives with children come to visit... wailing baby... and the person who hates children ends up babysitting while everyone else skips out for the night. Damn funny to see the combined sickness/resignation/hatred on their face as the door is closed. And usually I'm that person.
6. Watching a drunk person attempt stunts on a skateboard/bike/blades, and the resulting disaster.
5. Taking a friend to Vegas... and he's talking up how excellent he is with craps/poker/blackjack/etc.... and he ends up $1,000 (or some other painful number) down after the first 2 days.
4. Watching someone backup in a parking lot, and hitting the small railing that separates parking spaces. The look of shock/horror on their face when they, for a small moment, think they hit another car, and then suddenly realize that they just smashed their bumper ($1000 here it comes!) is pretty funny. And yes, they are always fine, I don't laugh at pain (most of the time... see next item).
3. Medieval Faire... re-enactments... and someone really gets wacked on the head with a wooden sword because he didn't move fast enough out of the way of the sloooooooowww moving blade. Always funny to watch, and the wince of pain as the headache develops and the guy trots off the field is funny.
2. Sitting at the bar (pub) enjoying some good brew and watching a dude who is obviously loaded try to shoot for a girl who isn't just a few steps up from him, she's a whole 'nother planet... and true to form, she ignores him. He's rejected. BUT AMAZINGLY, he sticks right next to her for minutes... and he keeps waiting... and she is NOT having it, continues to ignore him... he orders another drink... and then he spills all over her. True story (and I was NOT that dude).
1. At the wedding... reception time... father of the bride hugs his daughter... and someone at the bride's family table releases a really loud blast of wind. True story. Brought the house down (and yes, everyone was already drunk by this time). Wonder if it was caught on tape...

Till next time... THE NATEMARE HAS JUST STRUCK!

THE NATEMARE STRIKES FOR THE FIRST TIME!

ARGH! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Alright, NATEMARE here. And yes, I do have to use the caps! Who is this arrogant bastard you might ask? And why the name?

Well... the name comes from the combination of one of my many nicknames (dumbass, piss ant, and moron being the other favorites) and a relative that I get drunk every time I see him.

So what will I be doing on this blog (as just about everyone else says when they create one)? I'll be posting thoughts (really original eh?), lists of my favorite stuff (ditto), and events that I find really stupid or really cool.

So what will be my first REAL post?

Well.....
...
...
...
I'll get back to you on that one.


ARGH! The NATEMARE just struck!